One Year Later
Friday, November 4, 2016. One year ago. I received confirmation of the biopsy results that redirected my family’s time, resources, attention, and hearts for a while to come. We didn’t expect this, nor did we want it, but we managed through it.
Some of you know that I really love a paper planner. But, what does a planner have to do with cancer? Nothing, I thought. But, now, just one of those little God details looking back that sends shivers up my spine. Last year I ordered a new brand of planner. This one allowed you to start on any month you choose, so I had it start in November because I couldn’t wait to play with my new toy. I carried my brand new planner into work on November 1. Before I had time to even open it that day, I received the first call from my surgeon telling me that we needed to schedule a biopsy. Less than an hour later, I was writing in my new planner an ultrasound guided biopsy scheduled for the next morning. That same page was already dotted with normal life – flu shots for the kids, ballet practice, church, football, Nutcracker – all those things. And for a week, I had to somehow balance getting all of those things done without the kids figuring out that anything was wrong. These are the memories that a paper planner can help you remember. A little time capsule, a journal of sorts.
During those first couple of weeks of unknowns, friends flooded me with scripture. I wrote many of them in my planner (with the intention of continuing this practice, but I didn’t follow through). Those verses are as much a treasure to me now as they were then. I have notes in the back of my planner of things that I want to remember to do (or not do) for others when there’s an opportunity. There are lists in this thing that make me catch my breath – wig ordering, chemo prep – and there is also documentation of so much love being heaped on our family in so many ways. I always keep my planners, but this one will obviously be special and held dear.
This week, I started a new planner. November 1st came. I took my new planner to the office, and honestly kept somehow expecting another phone call. The day came and went and was blissfully ordinary. I still can’t help comparing and contrasting each day this year to last – and I expect that will go on for some time. But, I have this beautiful reminder that each year (day actually) is a fresh start – and I’m still not going at it alone (Deuteronomy 31:8).