6 Weeks Out – Recovering

I am six weeks out from my last chemo treatment. I wish that meant I could snap my fingers and be at Disney to celebrate (with no crowds and perfect weather and no details to plan and for free), but it really just means that I’m actually doing most all the things that I normally did before (which in truth is it’s own kind of celebration).

Physically, I feel pretty GREAT! My energy is back and my stamina is building tremendously. Reflux is waning. My body is allowing me to do things I haven’t been strong enough to do since November (I sometimes forget that my body underwent major surgery – and then I’m thrust back into reality!). Though I’m feeling so good, so much of me looks different. I never lost any fingernails or toenails, but they would always get very tender towards the end of a cycle. Now, there are several places that have slightly “lifted”, so I’m constantly watching them and oiling them so that those spots will be contained and move on out as the nails grow. (I realize this is a very small issue, but I want to remember these things and also give information for anyone going through all of this too.) I have probably lost a few eyelashes and eyebrow hairs, but nothing that anyone else could really notice unless they were looking for it. My hair is growing!! The follicles are opening up, and I see new growth every day. I’ve basically stopped wearing my wig now, so if you see me, you’ll see more of me 😉 I have gained weight. This one hurts my feelings as much as the hair really. I hesitate to mention it because I don’t want to sound petty, but a reality for most breast cancer chemo is weight gain. It hasn’t been a crazy amount (10-15 pounds), but on a 5’4″ girl, those pounds mean I’m wearing a lot of stretchy pants!

Jumping back into life has not been terrible, but not breezy either. I’ve really enjoyed being able to do things for my kids that I haven’t felt like doing in a long time – and also it hits me almost every day that I feel like I’ve missed whole blocks of time. Being out and about more consistently makes me feel more independent again – and then I’ll catch myself in moments of emotional fragility and I question everything I do.

Our whole normal world stopped for a few months, but really nothing stopped – it just stopped feeling normal. So now, there are only 3 weeks left of school, and my brain simply cannot wrap around this thought. I am beyond thankful for teachers and friends who have picked up slack so that my children didn’t feel the whole brunt of the impact this semester – they barely missed a beat. As children do so well, mine have acclimated to change quite well – even the change of having a bald mama – I don’t seem to get an extra pass with them! Apparently, to them, a bald woman does laundry and all the things just as well as a woman with hair 😉

I’ll start taking Tamoxifen tomorrow, and will be on that drug for 5-10 years. Yep, years. It’s a hormone therapy drug that basically blocks estrogen. I’m not looking forward to more medicine, but I’m glad this drug exists and some very smart people researched and created it and that it keeps building on the odds that this breast cancer thing will be in my rearview mirror for good.

A challenge right now is to not fill my life back up with things that do not add value. The Lord has poured into my soul through this season – I don’t want to busy everything back up so much that I can’t pour back into others – whatever that looks like. I want to have joy in looking forward and maintain the perspective I have gained.

“For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations.” Psalm 100:5

Love to you all,
Devin