Showing Kindness

Today marks a year since my first chemotherapy treatment. A year since a very needy season of my life picked up steam. So, so much kindness was shown to my family.

Over the months while I was receiving treatment, I jotted down some thoughts on how I could best love on others once I was able to shower the love on others instead of just receiving it myself.  I’m going to share those thoughts plus some others with you in the hopes that they encourage you to extend kindness to someone who could use a little.

Food – The need for food is universal, but tastes and household structure around food vary greatly. When in doubt, ask – don’t assume. With that said, here are some thoughts and ideas:
1. Restaurant GIFT CARDS! If you don’t know the family well, choose restaurants with broad appeal – our family favorites ended up being the local favorites of Newks and Primos (both have fresh options, as well as warm, comforting ones, and both of their carry outs are packaged well – and they have great desserts 😉 ).
2. Grocery Store GIFT CARDS! Snacks, lunches, ginger ale, Zantac – all covered. These can reduce the stress of purchases for an already stressed family.
3. Individually Wrapped Food. This may sound strange to you, but especially if the family has children for whom lunches must be made, the ease of having extra individually wrapped food items on hand is soooo helpful. (Smaller sizes help reduce food waste as well – it is much easier to freeze small portions of anything.) Homemade, store bought, perishable, or shelf-stable – it is all welcome. I mean, just think about how happy you feel when you have a drawer full of individual Wholly Guacamoles in your fridge – pass that happy feeling on to someone else!
4. The Meal Sign-Up. This one is obvious. But, just to add to what you already know…be the person who actually lists what they plan to bring (even if you just update it a few days ahead); think outside the casserole – I specifically remember being asked what we wanted one time, and I requested a “big salad” – again, this is where “when in doubt, ask” comes into play – don’t assume the family only desires heavy comfort food for every meal OR that they hate heavy comfort food – just ask; bringing a frozen dish ahead time is perfectly acceptable, if not highly desirable – this helps give the family a little control over meals and helps reduce food waste
5. Whatever you offer, know that it is appreciated and will spread love to those who receive it.

Home – even when normal life feels like it stops, grass continues to grow.
1. Mow the grass, or rake leaves, or prune some bushes. If you are able to do these things, this is the time to step up. I can promise you that no one in the middle of a battle is very interested in maintaining their yard.
2. Toilet Paper. Buy an extra pack when you’re out shopping, place on doorstep. Easy. Necessary. Very helpful.
3. Disposable everything.  Same idea as toilet paper. Stock up disposable plates, bowls, cups, cutlery, napkins, and deliver with a smile (or place on aforementioned doorstep if you don’t have time or a smile!)
4. Laundry – offer to come to the house to do a load or two of laundry OR have the family place full laundry bags on the front porch, take the bags home, and bring back fresh laundry the next day. Alternately, there are services that you can pay to offer this same assistance.
5. Cleaning. Not many of us have schedules that allow a whole afternoon to clean someone’s house, but even so, there are things you can do. Offer a specific range of time that you are available, and ask which room needs the most love. Clean it. Just one room makes a difference – sometimes just one task (cleaning off the kitchen counters for instance) can brighten the day. Even better, schedule to be at the house while the person is at an appointment so they can come back to home better than they left it 🙂 If the family already has someone cleaning, get a group together and pre-pay for the service. There is always something that needs cleaning.

Comforts – sometimes impractical is the most practical.
1. Care packages are amazing. Bring one by and chat for a little. Sneak one onto the doorstep with a thoughtful note. It doesn’t really matter what you give, but the act of the gift, of you taking the time to think about someone and offering that to them in a tangible way, priceless.
2. Flowers. I cannot explain the brightness flowers bring to a dulled spirit.
3. Notes. Hand-written notes and cards are like sending hugs in the mail. But encouraging texts and emails are also kind of great. Everyone wants to feel remembered, and debility can be very isolating. However you send a note, the most important thing to remember is to actually do it.

Logistics/Other – there are so, so many things.
1. Do they have transport to all the things they need transporting to/from? Offer. Or, if you’re a good coordinator, and there’s a need, make and communicate arrangements.
2. Kids. Offer specifics. Carpool. Pick-ups. Take them to the movies, out for froyo, anything to distract/entertain. One of the treasures of my experience was a dear friend who “took” Wednesdays during chemo weeks – Wednesdays were complicated, and because she “took” them all, I only had to explain the routine once – and my kids never missed a beat (they will always have a special love for this woman)!
3. Is there something you really like to do? Offer it. My home was decorated for Christmas when I could barely lift my arms past my shoulders – what joy! Another person mailed us homemade Chex Mix (in a darling Valentine’s tin that I’ll be pulling out soon) – such a surprise, and how fun for all of us! What may not seem like much to you might mean the world to the recipient.

Pray
I saved the most important for last. The phrase “being held by prayer” isn’t just a saying. It is truth. Pick a verse to consistently pray over the person/situation – and if you can, let them know. Don’t be stingy with prayers – be lavish!

I hope that something from one of these lists has inspired you into action. Don’t get overwhelmed by wanting to do too much all at once, just pick something that you can do…and do it! It’s not a competition, and you’re not getting graded, it is ministry.

If you are reading this, and you were some of the hands and feet that ministered to my family last year, consider this post a thank-you. Every single big and little, known and anonymous kindness was felt, appreciated, and pushed us forward toward recovery. I am so thankful to be on this side of the journey, and remembering all that was done for us reminds me that I am (we are) abundantly loved.

Love to you all,
Devin