Back to a New Normal

Our 2016 ended with the news that even though my tumor was found early (stage 1), I will still require chemotherapy to reduce my risk of recurrence. Many factors weigh into this decision, and I am not entering into this flippantly. My mantra lately has been “temporary discomfort for long-term peace of mind”.

The kids go back to school tomorrow, I will go back to my real office, and Ashley’s home office will be a bit more quiet and productive for him. Life is going to keep moving.

I feel really good. Everything will be just the same, yet nothing will be just the same. I have a joyful heart, but my heart still breaks when I touch my hair and remember what is on the horizon.

The chemo combination that I will have is Taxotere & Cytoxan. This will be given 4 times, with three weeks in between doses. If I start next week and everything goes according to schedule, I will finish during the week of spring break. As my oncologist reminded me, I am not my mother, and this is not the chemotherapy she had to endure. Age is also on my side going into this. Still though, poison will be pumped into my body and it will bring with it known and unknown consequences.

I posted on social media last week that I am thankful to know and be loved by the ONE who has conquered all the gnarly beasts ahead of me. Each day He will lay out the energy and grace and wisdom needed for all the things life requires in that day alone. I will not waste my energy and joy focusing on the next month or season or decade. I know that I will be tenderly held, pushed when it is required, and lifted when I am depleted.

If you see me, please don’t look at me with sad eyes or treat me like I’m sick. If you ask me how I’m doing, I’ll tell you the truth – no need to whisper, “No, REALLY, how are you doing?” And, for all the kindness in this world, please do not say “You’re not going to lose that beautiful red hair, are you?” Chemo doesn’t care whether you have pretty hair or not – I’ll be going wig shopping this week.

Jesus tells us in John 14:27:

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

This happens to be the verse of the day on the Bible App. I find it terribly fitting. I have told everyone who asks (and many who haven’t) that the Lord has blessed me with a supernatural peace since the moment of my diagnosis. I assure you that this has nothing to do with me, it is only through HIM. His sustaining grace is abundant and amazing. Truly.

Love to you all,
Devin