Tanks are for Filling

There is really no “honeymoon phase” when someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, but if there were, I would say that our family is definitely past it. The last couple of weeks have been more trying as this new normal settles in and wears all of us down. Even still, I see our Father’s love and care down to the smallest detail.

Mom handled the infusion of her 3rd treatment well, but the actual day was difficult and long. So long in fact that we missed her appointment with the surgical oncologist. That was a tough blow as we are quite ready to find out when surgery is to be scheduled – my own patience is being pushed a *little*!

At the end of that long day, after my family had left for church and mom and I had eaten the meal generously delivered by a dear friend, I shaved my mother’s head. This, my friends, was a moment. Words don’t easily come to explain it. There weren’t any tears shed- though there was the sense that if one were to drop there would be buckets. Tender doesn’t begin. I felt so honored and thankful to be there in that moment and do this thing that had to be done. Her head is beautiful (although she doesn’t agree with me).

The next day or so was uneventful…then Adriamycin and Cytoxan decided to show us a little of what they could do. An absent appetite combined with fatigue creates a vicious cycle of weakness. Add some issues with blood pressure meds that lead to more weakness and fainting. The analogy that helps me empathize (as best I can) is to imagine having a terrible stomach virus for a week, start recovering, and then come down with the flu, and maybe another stomach virus right after that. It’s hard for a patient to stay positive with all of that battering, and it’s easy to feel like the cancer is winning.

The cavalry came though, in the  form of beautiful and kind home health nurses. They brought assurance and much needed IV fluids which made a world of difference. I cannot even begin to explain how thankful I am for those nurses!

In the midst of the difficult, glimpses of answered prayers were seen. Mom only had one little mouth sore this round – what a praise! And, while I wish I could be in two places at once, home health was a prayer answered before I could even utter it – they were there to do things I couldn’t, much faster and more efficiently than me trying to take care of her myself. Besides lightening my heart, they also gave Daddy some relief – he’s doing the best he can, but an 86 year-old man can only do so much care-giving.

Mom was depleted physically – IV fluids literally filled her tank. I have been depleted emotionally, though I feel wimpy to admit this compared to what my mom is living through, and the Lord has sent His word and His people to fill my tank. As I type this, I hope that you too know the only One who can truly fill your tank and give you real HOPE and real ASSURANCE and real STRENGTH – if not, seek Him…

Psalm 18:28-36

You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
    my God turns my darkness into light.
²⁹ With your help I can advance against a troop^[e];
    with my God I can scale a wall.
³⁰ As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.
³¹ For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
³² It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
³³ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.
³⁴ He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵ You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
³⁶ You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.

Wednesday will be the 4th, and final round of Adriamycin/Cytoxan. We will meet with the surgical oncologist next Monday to find out when he wants to do surgery. If surgery waits until all chemo is complete, then we pick up with Taxol administered every 2 weeks. Pray for mom’s appetite to stay steady (she’s taking an appetite stimulant right now, and it’s helping!) and for her spirit to be strengthened. Our family is very appreciative for the community of friends and family in Eupora, MS as they continue to be so present and loving and tank-filling.

Love to you all,
Devin